Leaving your country…can you ever go back?
It’s something I’ve thought about recently.
We’re so happy we left Canada back in 2014. The first 6 years were spent travelling full-time, the last 4 years have been spent living in Spain (with the goal of getting permanent residency). It seems like Canada has gone to crap since we left: every Canadian we run into these days complains about the cost of living, healthcare, lack of housing and car thefts. Just a couple of days ago we listened to the news and heard about a man shooting at cars on the 401 (the main highway running through Ontario). That´s so un-Canadian. Or maybe the truth is that Canada just isn’t the same country anymore.
Still, I sometimes catch myself looking back with nostalgia at certain aspects of life in Canada. Of driving through parts of remote Quebec, of riding my bike on the great bicycle lanes of Montreal (most cities in Canada are much more bike-friendly than cities overseas), of being able to go to a neighbourhood restaurant for Indian, Vietnamese or sushi. Canadian cities are very multicultural, again something you don’t always see overseas. I miss watching a hockey game in prime time. I’m still a hockey fan (always will be) and I watch those 10-minute game recaps when I wake up the next morning. It’s not the same. But probably the thing that I miss is the ease of getting things done and the general friendliness of Canadians. Living overseas is a constant struggle between language, culture, and dealing with bureaucratic procedures that you’re not familiar with. Sometimes it gets to you.
I think it’s human nature to reflect on things with rose-tinted glasses and overlook all the reasons you left your country in the first place.
But even if you wanted to go back, could you? For us it’s been 10 years now, that’s a long time.
Some thoughts on that below.
There’s nothing to go back to
There’s literally nothing to go back to.
When we left Canada in 2014 we rented out our condo and put everything in storage. In 2017 our tenants wanted to buy their own home and it left us with a decision to make: do we find other renters or sell? We loved our full-time travelling lifestyle so the decision was easy: we sold the condo. We also had all our belongings shipped to Europe (which we’ve disposed of since. That’s a different post).
The bottom line is we no longer have a home and we no longer have the stuff to fill a home. In Europe (especially in Spain) renting a fully-furnished apartment is the norm rather than the exception. In North America we would literally have to buy everything we would need to fill a home.
We no longer have friends back home. The longer you stay away from where you come from, the more distant you get from friends…to the point that they’re no longer friends.
Sure, we could come back and maybe friends would accept us back into their lives. But it’s been 10 years and they have their own friends and their own routines.
So that’s what I mean by there’s nothing to go back to. We’d literally have to restart our lives all over again from scratch.
“Home” might have changed…or stayed the same
A lot of Americans have left the US in recent years because the politics back home.
But think of it the other way around: what if you’re an American and you’re thinking of coming home? 10 years ago Obama was president and it was a whole different mood. Some Americans may never want to go back for the same reasons that so many are leaving right now*.
*we have an immigration lawyer that we know who’s been extremely busy, most of her clients being Americans running away from the US.
Canada is also changing and it right now seems inevitable that Trudeau and the Liberals are going to get kicked out for a Conservative government. Like the US, Canada is turning to the right.
When we left Canada in 2014 we vowed we would never return to where we lived. We lived in the province of Quebec where Anglophones are the minority. It was fine when I was working but I always said that I’d never retire in a place where I feel like a 2nd class citizen*.
*French was actually my 1st language and I was born in a small Quebec town. But starting at 9 my parents started travelling…by the time I came back to Montreal for University I was 19 and had lost my French. I relearned it but never overcame the Anglo accent.
After years of language politics on the decline, they’ve made an upsurge in recent years. I would never, ever go back to Quebec. If I ever went back to Canada it would be somewhere else.
But my point here is that the country you left might not be the country you come back to politically-speaking…or it might have the same politics that prompted you to leave in the first place.
You might not be able to afford home
The major reason we left Canada is because we wanted to explore the world. When we left Lissette was still working remotely and earning income from the Montreal company she was working for. It was the best of both worlds: earning a Canadian income while “living” in places like Thailand, Ukraine and Prague.
She lost her job in 2019. So between the two of us, we retired at 44 (me) and 52 (her).
We’ve done well with our investments in that time and it’s allowed us to live a very good (but not extravagant) lifestyle.
But could we afford to live again in Canada? These days we’re hearing you’ll pay about $2,500 Canadian for even the most basic apartment in a Canadian city. There’s a housing crisis going on. And with the hit from inflation over the last few years, the cost of living is probably about double of what it is in Spain.
No. Canada is a great place if you have a good job. But once you stop working you’ll be bleeding money…
Weather
6 months of winter. Cold and mostly grey, ice that turns to slush that turns back to ice. That’s what we suffered through.
I remember that and I’m questioning why I’d even bother with this post…
As I said above, Canada is great if you’ve got a good job that keeps you happy and motivated. We’re grateful we both had that, we had good careers and worked with good people. But if you’re not working what do you do? Sit at home and look at this miserable weather outside your window…while paying that $2,500 for a 1-bedroom apartment?
As I say above, I wrote this post and now I remember all the reasons we left home. We all have to be reminded sometimes. Living somewhere new can be frustrating and you can often feel isolated. I remember years ago I would have the same discussion with my mother who left Canada to live in Thailand (and now Mexico). Over the years she sometimes would have the same feelings and would reminisce about life in Germany (as a girl) and Canada (as an adult). I was working at the time and I would have to talk her back, reminding her about the reasons she left Canada and about all the good things about where she lived. 78 years old now and living in Mexico, she’s over the nostalgia and says that moving to Mexico was the best thing she ever did.
The point is that we all have our moments of weakness when things become complicated. We start questioning everything and we reflect back on our previous lives with rose-coloured glasses. That’s when it’s good to take stock and reflect on all the reasons you chose this life and all the reasons you wouldn`t want to go back home.
Related: 9 pieces of Advice for those thinking of living a Nomadic Lifestyle
Related: Regrets of living a Nomadic life
Our story is a little different, in that we left South Africa 11 years ago and initially moved to the Netherlands – where we hope our Afrikaans 2nd language skills would allow a smooth transition into the country and society. We quickly learnt that some cultures/countries are more welcoming than others and even with some family there, it’s really hard to adjust. I struggled to find work and eventually we moved to the UK, settling in Northern Ireland, which was never on the cards for us. We’ve built a life here but we can easily relate to the sentiments you raise. We miss the great weather in South Africa and we miss people who we knew and knew us, and were our friends, warts and bumps and all and the cultural acceptance we had among our “own people” -those who got our sense of humour and understood our witticisms etc. Moving to a new country means adapting and starting over and adapting etc, but once you’ve stuck it out a little, there’s no going back as you’re no longer the same person you were previously. We live in a safe(r) country, have decent opportunities etc and access to great travel locations (we just returned from Spain last week) and that wouldn’t be a practical option in S.A. Our children have benefitted and suffered from our decisions but their opportunities and safety were more important to us so we made the decisions we did. Wherever you end up, you have to accept your life isn’t ever going to be the same again and your children and grandchildren will be the real beneficiaries of your decision. We talk about 1 last move, to Spain, Portugal or Italy- for the warmer weather and great food available but that’s another discussion to be had in a few years… if we ever did move though, I’d prefer to be in a mixed area, locals and expats so we could have an easier transition and support base… Just our experience and thoughts. We had a friend once tell us that once you leave your country, if you were a “square” before, you adapt and become a “circle” in your new country, but moving again would be really hard trying to make a “circle” a “square” again… thanks for sharing your thoughts, definitely can relate to it.
Hi Rob. That’s a great comment, thank you. I’m sorry about South Africa, one of the favorite places we ever visited. Met so many nice people. But understand how it is different as a place to live, lived a few years as a child in Zambia and I remember we got robbed not once but twice in that time. Met a few people in SA who were just like you – worried about their kids and the opportunities they would have. About a “mixed area”: I think you are totally right. We lived a few years in a very expat town and wanted to move somewhere where we could integrate. But the Spanish keep to themselves, they have their own social circles. In the end we’ve felt very isolated in Spanish cities despite speaking Spanish…knowing that now we’d probably have stayed in a place that has a good-sized expat community.
Anyway, there’s never a right or wrong, it’s about experiences. Good luck with any future move. Have a look at our Spanish blog if you want to know more about life in Spain.
great article. I think you really can never go back. I have even visited places where I had wonderful experiences 20 + years ago..in all cases to realize you can’t return to what you remember. If you could wipe your mind clean you might be able to enjoy from a position of no expectations. I decided to pretty much only go to new places when I travel. I have always prefered long visits (1 or 2 months) to really experience a place. Just my 2 pesos.
Thank you Victoria, hope all good in Patzcuaro. You’re absolutely right, prior expectations from a previous trip usually only end in disappointment. We’ve had the same.
This was very much an eye opener. I thought it was only in the Southern USA red states that were having issues with car thefts, random shootings on the express ways and what seems to be a shortage of health care providers.
Probably not as bad as in the US, but it’s happening in Canada now as well!
You forgot the “health care”. Not only immigrants cannot get a family doctor, but even Canadians. As their family doctors retire, they are stuck without any being family doctors and are referred to a nurse practitioner. Emergency waits up to 14 hours are not uncommon. Waiting for a procedure like a knee or hip replacement can take years. Cost of teeth cleaning is close to $300 now. I didn’t have dental insurance so I would always have my teeth cleaned abroad by a dentist in places like Costa Rica ($40), Mexico ($20), Thailand ($60). Wait time for an appointment in these countries? Would tomorrow afternoon be OK sir? I’d replay, yes, that would be OK.
“Public transport”! In Spain you can get pretty well everywhere without a car. A one-hour train between Gandia and Valencia that runs every half hour costs 1.80 Euro each way, if you buy a card with ten rides. A high speed train the AVE takes 1h35 from Valencia to Madrid and you can buy one-way rides for as little as 9 Euro when using an app. In Ottawa a bus one-way fare is up to $3.75.
Status of roads in Eastern Canada. Simply in horrible status around eastern Ontario and Quebec in general. Toronto gets lot more funding and winters are not as severe as Eastern Ontario and Quebec. The rural roads have become unsafe for cycling because of pot holes and eroding edges.
“Failed construction projects.” The O-train in Ottawa, $4 Billion spent on a system that has trains derailing in the winter. Toronto metro Eglinton line. Three years behind schedule, millions if not billions over budget, no commissioning date in sight. Track was set wrong east of Yonge Street, had to be relaid… imagine! What is up with that? Cannot compare Canadian airports at all to those in the middle east (Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Doha, Singapore, Bangkok, Beijing, Guangzhou and most other Chinese modern airports.
Thanks Eduard. Exactly about the healthcare, I alluded to it but didn’t go into detail. The thing is that the doctor shortage was happening 20 years ago and it’s only gotten worse. It’s like we never adjust, all the problems that are happening now were happening then, they’re just worse. Like roads.
Wow! $300 for a cleaning now? That caught me eye.
Born in Canada but never felt at home here. I left during the ‘revolution’ in Quebec 1972 back to family roots in Europe. stayed 28 years and loved it. Came back to Canada because my husband wanted a ‘total change’. Well, it was hell for me but now, after 24 years, I am getting a little sentimental because we are moving to Spain where our son lives. I don’t think I’ll even come back to visit.
Thank you for commenting Marlana. I almost had to leave during the ‘revolution’ of 1991 so we have that in common…
Trudeau and the Liberals have destroyed the country. Can’t wait for a change of government!
lovely train of thought. thanks & saludos from Patzcuaro.
I hope you are well Victoria 🙂
Good article. I’ve been here since 2015, a Spanish resident since 2017 and once in awhile think about what I left behind. But no regrets, I love my life here.
My daughter’s family live in Australia….3 young grandchildren, so I visit a lot and stay months at a time. Similar to Canada culturally and same problems ….housing shortage, cost of living so high, increasing crime. Similar climate to where I live in Spain, so no cold winters, and I have made a second life there with friends and activities. But Spain is home, bureaucracy and inability to understand the systems my biggest problems, but not unsurmountable. I’ll stay!
Thanks Kathy. Same boat here, it’s the bureaucracy etc that are frustrating as well as the mentality. But no place perfect and like you there’s more pros than cons :). Thank you for the comment.
Very interesting article, unfortunately I have to agree. Our country has changed , we give away millions well neglecting our Veterans and Seniors.
Thank you for taking the time to comment Roy!