The Worst Review we’ve ever received as guests on Airbnb.
After more than 100 glowing reviews on Airbnb, we had our first negative review last month. But it wasn’t the “normal” negative Airbnb review. This one was special.
Yikes! You’d think we were having sex parties or performing Satanic rituals from the sound of it.
It was just a bad stay all around as I wrote about when summing up our month in London. But I hadn’t reviewed John. I’ve written about it before: it’s just not worth leaving negative reviews for either you (the guest) or for the host. So I didn’t review our stay and I figured he wouldn’t either.
The review really had nothing to do with us as guests. The first line “Frank and Lissette left the flat immaculate” says everything other hosts would want to know.
So why did he have to go and make it personal? And why did he have to make it public?
It’s easy, he did it because he and his partner felt slighted. On our first day – actually in the first minutes of meeting him – he and his partner had told us that they would invite us up for dinner. For reasons I’ll explain, I (later) made an excuse to get out of the engagement. He obviously didn’t take it well.
It brings up a few issues: 1) As a guest, where do you draw the line between a business relationship and a personal relationship? You’re a paying customer, they’re a host. What do you owe them past your responsibility of keeping their apartment clean and being a good neighbour? 2) On a more personal level: where do you compromise your own happiness to make others happy? It’s something we’ve thought of more as we’ve gotten older.
Business vs personal relationship
We’ve had many instances where we’ve been social with an Airbnb host.
- After a few days in Padua, our host invited us go for a walk and show us around the city. We ended up clicking and would end up taking her out for coffee several times.
- In Trogir, the host was a slightly crazy (but in a good way) lady who decided that we had to drink Rakija with her. It was our first time in the Balkans and our first time drinking Rakija. We all got pretty drunk.
- In Belgrade, the young family that hosted us invited us over for coffee and pastries. The father came to pick us up at the apartment (20 minutes away) and then drove us home at the end of the night.
- In Rovinj, we met lovely Marina and her family. The apartment was in their building and it was the best Airbnb experience we’ve had. Marina was a chef and would cook for us, we were invited on a boat trip in the harbour, I would buy my wines from her husband…Just an incredible experience all around.
- We stayed in Lviv for a month and I became friends with our host Yuriy. We became tennis buddies for the 2 months in which we stayed in his place.
- And then there’s Split where we became friends with Vedran our Airbnb host. Every year for 5 years we rented his apartment, would go drinking, and would be invited for Christmas and New Year celebrations at his house. We ended up living in Split for over a year and he and his friend Goran would become close friends. We’d go hiking together. Really, they are the best friends I’ve had over the last 10 years since we left Canada.
So we’ve often crossed the line between being Airbnb guests and friends. But in all the cases above, we met the host, talked, and liked them for one reason or another. The relationships developed by themselves as relationships should. They weren’t imposed on us.
Which brings us to John (and his partner). In this case, we were told that they would invite us for dinner within the first few minutes of meeting me. They hadn’t even met Lissette who was on the sidewalk with the bags while I was picking up the keys. And the partner, on that same day, would make several comments that pissed me off. So I knew right away that we would have to find a way out of that dinner.
And that’s what we did, me telling John that we couldn’t go for dinner at their place because Lissette was allergic to cats (which was 100% true. And they had 2 cats). I even offered that we all go for beer at a neighbouring bar instead.
But the damage was done. John suddenly wasn’t so friendly anymore and we could feel the cold vibes permeating the floor between their apartment upstairs and ours downstairs. Still, we never expected John to review us the way he did.
My opinion is that business and personal can mix as long as both parties can handle it in a professional manner. If you’re going to invite someone out, be ready that maybe they’re not as keen to do it as you are. Not everyone wants to have a sit-down dinner with strangers. Better yet, get to know the people, see if you have an affinity or something in common (ie. test the waters) and then ask them out if you think there’s a mutual interest. Bottom line though: don’t impose yourself and then get upset if people aren’t interested in spending time with you.
On Compromising your own Happiness to make others happy
I can hear people out there saying “but they invited you to dinner, what’s the big deal in just sucking it up and having dinner with them?”
When I was young, I could never say “no”. I didn’t stand up for myself, I wanted to be liked, I didn’t want to hurt people’s feelings.
As I got older, I became more confident but in many cases I couldn’t say no. There were family functions, work commitments and other social obligations. When a friend asked me to be best man at his wedding and then told me that I had to say a few paragraphs in Mandarin (in front over about 100 people) I did it. You had to say yes to those things, there’s no way around it.
We’ve both sacrificed ourselves for others, we’ve suffered through various things because of friends and family. Some people resent you for your choices. Both Lissette and I had to stand up at various times for what we wanted out of life.
Next week I’m going to be 60. My parents both died last year. Lissette is in the same boat, both her parents are dead. Other family members are estranged for one reason or another. Good friends have been lost because of our choices in life. We don’t have anybody anymore but ourselves.
My point is that, at almost 60, I don’t feel I have to say “yes” to anyone anymore, much less to a bunch of strangers that I met 2 seconds ago while my wife was waiting on the sidewalk.
It’s not being mean, I’m just not going to do something just to make you happy. And if I do say “yes”, it’s because I really do want to spend my time with you. But I/we are done with social obligations/protocol for the sake of others. Screw that. And if you get upset, well that’s on you.
How to respond to a negative Airbnb review
When a host reviews you on Airbnb, you can respond to that review. It ends there, the host can’t respond to your response. It’s the same principle as if you’re reviewing a host: if they want to reply to your review (as they normally will to a negative review), they have one chance to do it. In that sense, it gives the person (either the guest or the host) who is the subject of the review the final word.
I’ve previously mentioned: we hated our month in John’s apartment and couldn’t wait to get out. But there was never any question of leaving a negative comment, much less a negative personal comment.
So the first reaction when seeing his comment was shock. But the 2nd reaction was to set the record straight. It was the perfect chance to let him know exactly what I felt. You can see my response to him here.
So that is the story of the worst review we’ve ever received over 12 years of being guests on Airbnb.
Related: Bad Airbnb experiences
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